Demoted

March 1st marks my 7-year anniversary as resident apartment manager at my current job.

When I started this job, I had zero experience. My Property Manager--we'll call her Tanya--liked that because she could train me her way. Even at the very beginning I'd ask a question and Tanya would answer something like, "Do what you think is best." Over the years she trusted me even more, I learned to trust myself, and we developed a friendship. When she walked in the door for our weekly meetings, she would turn to toddler-Alex and exclaim, "There's my boyfriend!!!!" She was too busy to eat sometimes, so I'd make an extra sandwich at lunchtime and have it ready when she got here. When Lee was born she gave me plenty of time to get back into my groove, and cooed and coddled him like he was her own. She taught me how to be a fabulous manager, put me up on a pedestal, assigned me to train 3 other managers, and asked my husband for permission to clone me.

Tanya was the best boss in the world.

But I've been demoted.

Now I'm the thorn in her side. When I was bumped from my pedestal, I didn't mind. (My pedestal replacement is a friend, supermom, and someone that I absolutely idolize--she's fabulous.) I understand that when the housing market tanked and I suddenly had 8(!!!) apartments to rent Tanya was put under a lot of pressure by the owner. I understand that the cost of gas changed our weekly meetings to bi-weekly, then monthly, then electronic-only. I understand that her responsibilities have increased exponentially in just the last few years. I also understand that my personal responsibilities have increased just as exponentially, and that there are certain aspects of my job where I don't excel (vacuuming common areas weekly, walking the grounds picking up garbage and cigarette butts, checking competitors' rates monthly).

What I don't understand is how I've fallen so far from grace. I still do my best to keep my apartments full, I still collect rent on time, I still send her the weekly information she's requested, I still answer the phones--mostly, I still advertise vacancies, I still address tenant concerns and do my best to resolve them. And yet, a recent email from her stated that my actions were causing "...chaos and confusion."

"Can I clone you?" ------> "Chaos and confusion."

That's quite a fall.

I'm angry. And I'm hurt.

What do I get for my almost 364 weeks of trying to do what she taught me? Staffing changes without my knowledge (for security purposes I sort of need to know who's coming & going), procedural changes in the middle of doing my job, responsibilites quietly being removed from my plate without telling me, and other w.e.i.r.d. things happening right under my nose that are kept confidential...like who's living 3 doors down from me. (I'm pretty sure I know, but can't figure out why it would be a big secret--he's already on the maintenance team.)

It's frustrating, it's maddening, it's ridiculous, it's a myriad of other things that ladylike fingers don't type.

But honestly, mostly I grieve for a lost friendship. My heart breaks that Tanya is so busy and overworked and focusing on the negatives that she's forgetting that I love her. My heart breaks for her because of the voids in her heart that she feels compelled to fill with work.

This hard thing has been a source of fervent--and sometimes angry--prayer. Prayer for Hubby to get into Spring quarter enrollment so I can get the &%$ out of here; prayer for my job to outlast his program start; prayer because I'm ticked off; prayer for peace for me and for her.

I prayed for peace and I received it. I am at peace. I have no idea what the next few weeks/months will hold. I have no idea where we will end up. I have no idea what the heck the future holds.

But He does. He knows, and I trust that--as always--Heavenly Father knows me, loves me and has what's best for me up His omnipotent sleeve. The faith-in-waiting game isn't an easy one to play, but I know that because He's in charge, it will be okay.

Whatever that is.