Today is February 28th.
My job ends in 3 days. I don't know where we are going to move. I don't know how long we will be able to stay here. I don't know how we are going to pay rent. I don't know how we are going to pay off the van and reduce bills and save money before Steve goes to school. I don't know if I'm going to need or be able to find a job. I don't know if I should concentrate my efforts on subsidized housing, apartment managing, vacant home care, renting a FSBO home, or what.
I don't know.
I don't know!
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
And you know what? I'm gettin' a little cranky.
I'm annoyed that my boss will chat with the other manager about day-to-day business on the same phone call that we were fired in, then take 4 days to answer my response to her "I'm not going to call you back, but you can email me your questions" email. I'm ticked that even though I asked a few months ago to be kept abreast of any potential changes, I was given 14 days to tie up loose ends at work, pack my house, find a new home and move. I'm peeved that I'm not given the personal respect and professional courtesy that I deserve, and that everyone around here recognizes that EXCEPT MY BOSS!!! I'm irritated that after 7 years, we aren't as close to financially stable as we should be, and as I want us to be.
You remember that peace that I was blessed with a month ago? A week ago? It's being slowly but surely replaced by nerves and fear. I'm going backward. My peace and joy and smiles are giving way to apathy, snarkiness and snapping at the people I love. It's pushing 'kiss mine.'
And it sucks.
Solution: MAY I PLEASE MAKE SOME SORT OF FORWARD MOTION IN FINDING A HOME FOR MY FAMILY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Yep. That'd help.
Aaaand... this is the place where God allows our faith some room to grow, right?
ReplyDelete(ducks blow)
And He allows us to HAVE to trust Him.
(a swing and a miss)
While He securely holds us and allows change to perhaps put us in a different direction than we thought of before, the one that we are now supposed to be on.
(UGH. Got me)
Love you and praying for you. Knowing that God is bigger than this and that He loves you madly.
You guys are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteRachel is right--faith is all about taking a step forward beyond where the way is lighted. You just have to do it in order to discover the path is still there. So keep moving your feet.
And that peace? It's like breakfast--you have to re-up every morning, or the rest of your day is not going to go right. So keep a prayer in your heart all day long asking for peace as long as you have to until you get it--and keep on doing it every day until all those other prayers are answered. You WILL get through this, honey. (((BIG HUGS)))