Thursday, December 4, 2014

I might be crazy.

I've come to the realization that I might be crazy.  At the very least, my brain works in a manner that is unlike most.  Especially when it is under duress.  And by 'duress' I mean 'illness.'

As proof, I offer Exhibit #1: this post.  Who on earth waxes Suessical when their child has hand, foot & mouth disease?  Oh.  I guess I do.

Exhibit #2:  A mere 4 days before Thanksgiving last week, our family was hit by a lovely tummy bug.  And by 'lovely' I mean 'vile.'  Fortunately, not everyone got it in full effect, but we did accidentally pass it on.  (It was 72 hrs since our last "episode" and we'd wiped everything down with Lysol wipes.  I'm a little ticked about that.)  Anyway, in the middle of the night as I was praying to Ralph, the Porcelain God, I got to thinking about all the body fluids that I'd been in contact with in a 12-hour time frame: blood, snot, stomach bile, etc.  I'll spare you the grody details, but trust me--it was a pretty thorough list.  So I invented a game!  It's called Body Fluid Bingo.  I invited my facebook friends to name a body fluid that it's normal to be in contact with.  Spinal fluid & amniotic fluid don't count; they're special circumstance fluids.  Sadly, nobody wanted to play.  They all just offered condolences.  Which was nice, but I wanted to play!  My friend Aimee, however posted a Wikipedia screen shot of body fluids, highlighting her guesses.  She definitely won!  And I began to see that I might not be normal.

But last night clinched it.

Exhibit #3.  I have a cold.  I have a Devil Cold.  A HowLongIsThisGoingToLast MySinusAreGoingToExplode Devil Cold.  Cora caught it from extended family when they were seemingly over it.  She had it before Thanksgiving, and she was out of school for 7 days.  SEVEN!!!!  Craziness.  She's still coughing, and now, so are the rest of us.  yay.  So last night...well, this morning I was up with sinus/cough/Eustachian fun and I came up with a song.  And because it's Christmas time, it's a Christmas song!  (Well, a holiday song, as it encompasses Thanksgiving, Christmas and likely New Year's.)

So here goes.  (I have Bob & Doug McKenzie's synthesizer playing in my brain.  Can you hear it, too?)

On the 1st day of the holidays, my family shared with me...a cough that hangs on eternally.
(You get the idea here, so I'll just list the rest because listing's what I do best!)
2 Random Fevers,
3 Barfy Bellies,
4 Tissue Boxes,
Fiiive Lysol Wiiiiipes (canisters)
6 Cruddy Coughs
7 Noses Blowing
8 Inhalers Puffing
9 Brains a'Fogging
10 Heads a'Throbbing
11 Eyes a'Gooping
12 Teas a'Steeping

And now I'm going to take my essential oils, Chinese acupressure, neti pot, tissues, and rice bag to the funny farm.  Maybe there I'll get a little rest.  In the meantime, enjoy my little song (I hope it gets stuck in your head), beef up on your vitamin C, and may your Christmas be germ-free.

PS--I came across this funny lady when I was googling the acupressure points for tonsils because mine were/are swollen.  I've started it & it seems to be doing what it's supposed to!