Unearthed Essay #1

So, I was doing some very overdue cleaning and found some essays that I'd written about 3 years ago. Lee was around 9 months old or so, Alex was 3 1/2 and Abby was 5 1/2. I enjoy them, and I hope you do too...

Apples, Oranges and Bananas

It continues to amaze me just how diverse siblings can be. I marveled when my oldest nieces were little, and now that I have my own brood, I'm still struck by their differences. Yes, there are obvious gender differences, but it goes beyond that.

Abby is a thinker. She loves puzzles and word games, doesn't like physical play so much, and corrects me whenever I misspeak or the message gets garbled somehwere between my brain and mouth. Her sparkly red shoes from Halloween are now part of her everyday wardrobe and if she had her druthers, she'd wear 3 to 4 different outfits a day. Alex can kick and throw better than I can, getting him out of his caped Superman jammies is almost impossible and anything--and I do mean anything--is fair game to become a gun or a sword. I'm pretty certain that if I should allow him to peruse my feminine hygiene drawer he'd devise a sword and a shield in no time. Lee's still hard to tell, but so far I can tell he's an antsy boy. He just wants to get going. I can almost hear the dialogue in his head: "Ooh! The stairs gate is open! Here I go!" or "You know, Mom, I'm 5 1/2 in dog years, so I really am old enough to have my own steak and shrimp." Soon, he'll navigate us into the uncharted Sea of Lee and we'll swim in yet another beautiful, shimmery pool of unfamiliarity.

It's not like they have different parents. (Granted we're a lot less neurotic than when Abby was an infant, but everyone is allowed a fair share of paranoia with their first child.) We've learned and changed and grown, but all in all, we're still us. I'm sure that their unique characteristics are innate; they came with them, like a package deal where you can't substitute curly fries or leather seats or the ability to sleep through the night.

Come to think of it, some of these distinctions were manifest in various ways even before the children were born. My pregnancy with Abby was absolutely, 100% normal. By normal, of course, I mean the first trimester I missed every other day of work due to the constant nausea, I gained too much weight, and I was so swollen that I could barely squeeze my wedding ring onto my pinky finger. While pregnant with Alex I only threw up twice (dealing with Ab's um, messes), I swelled moderately, gained 5 less pounds, and he was frank breech at 37 weeks. By the time Lee came around I figured that because my previous pregnancies were so dissimilar I'd be able to predict the gender. No dice. I never threw up and the nausea wasn't as severe, but it lasted 4 weeks longer than the other two! My weight gain was spot on, and I wore my ring the whole time because I didn't swell a bit. When people asked what I was having, I responded that I was having an alien; only partly in jest.

Abby talked early, Alex talked late. Abby was painfully shy, Alex and Lee have always been gregarious. Abby only cuddled when she was sick or hurt, Alex and Lee are snugglebugs. Abby wasn't really an orally tactile, Lee's a human vacuum cleaner. Alex is fiercely independent, Lee clings. Alex enjoys playing with Dad, Abby not so much. Abby loves tomatoes, Alex hates them. Lee just wants everything...except the mixed vegetable baby food that has spinach in it; can't force that one down.

Of course there are similarities, but I notice the differences more because they pose challenges in the problem-resolution part of my brain. Reasoning, discipline, play, explanations, motivations, optimal shapes of sandwiches...everything needs to be customized to fit the needs of each child.

Sometimes I muse that motherhood would be much easier if I could just do the same things with each child at the appropriate stages in life. But where's the fun in that?

Memo to me...

Always check the washer before I put a load in.

Yep--that's a sippy cup, alright. And it'll be nice & clean, too!

Laundry time

Hmm. Is it time to fold and put away the laundry?


Maybe.

And the Coolest Mom Award goes to...

During Abby's parent/teacher conference last fall, her teacher expressed concern that she doesn't participate in class much. He'd like to see her raise her hand more, volunteer more and contribute more to the small-group book discussions. (I'd like to say this was a surprise, but she seems to be growing into some of the same stupid insecurities that have plagued me all throughout my growing-up years.) He suggested that if she get to know some of the other girls in her class better, she may be more confident in class.

Last week I finally got around to acting on that intention.

Very often when I do something, I do it big, and this was no exception. I sent out an evite to all of the girls in her class, bought a very few supplies, baked some cookies and cleaned furiously.

After school the girls rode home on the bus, and it was highly amusing to see 8 girls running down the sidewalk toward our house. (I timed it so Cora was napping and I sent the boys to a friend's house.) As soon as they got in, dumped backpacks, adored the hamster and washed hands, they sat down to a snack. A very cute one, if I do say so myself. I got the idea from Family Fun magazine, and after a little experimenting, it worked great with homemade pizza dough.

Due to life-changes in my friends' homes, my once full well of child-swap options has rather shrivelled up. I no longer have anyone to trade childcare with to go volunteer in the kids' classrooms. It kills me. I'd love to spend an hour a week in each classroom, but no dice. As a result, I don't know the personalities of the other kids in class: who is a good kid, who to avoid, who to invite over, who to avoid...you get the idea. This party was a great way to easily and quickly size up the girls that Abby talks about every day after school. It was an unexpected bonus for me.

When they were finished with their heart-shaped goodness, I steered them into the bathroom to wash their hands again then let them loose in the living room to make valentines. Cardstock, sequins, scissors, markers, glue, pompoms, pipe cleaners, googly eyes, construction paper, doilies...the works!

I learned something great about this age: I can give simple instructions and step back. No once did I help anyone with anything. I actually returned a few phone calls in the kitchen while eavesdropping on the girls in the living room.

I also learned that some things stay the same over the generations. Jinxing someone will still render them mute until their name is uttered.

After the whirlwind of third grade creativity was beginning to wane, I redirected them back into the dining room to decorate sugar cookies.

Frosting in many hues: pink, purple and white, sprinkles, non-pariels, red hots, little shapes...lots of yummy fun, and a few nibbles.

I really thought that the girls would frost a bunch and take them home, but no. With only a few exceptions, they frosted and binged right there, fighting over the red hots. One girl had a particularly long attention span and frosted 14 cookies to take home, even after the rest of the gaggle had migrated upstairs to torment the hamster again. (After washing hands, of course!)

The most frightening thing about throwing parties is down time. Down time in which energy is high and control is low. Fortunately, with this party only lasting from off-the-bus o'clock (2:45ish) to 4:00, we only had about 5-10 minutes of chaos. And most of that was handled gracefully by Maxo, our unwilling but very loved rodent.

In all, it was a great day.

Really?

I opened some junk mail the other day and was highly amused by a solicitation that my husband received. I saved it just because it made me laugh out loud. Check out a few snippets of his 8 page personal, pre-sorted first class letter:

"Riah, please forgive us, but we have just taken a closer look at your profile. It turns out you're more special than any of us imagined! Did you know that you possess some very rare, hidden traits? In fact, there is a famous person (someone you would instantly recognize, he's on TV every night) who possesses theses same special, incredibly rare traits. ...It turns out that people who possess these same rare and often hidden traits that you do are some of the most famous and successful people on this planet! Riah, you are indeed blessed! I know those around you don't know this yet, but they will! Down deep, you sense it, too. Right? I'm so excited for you!"

[This trait wouldn't happen to be gullibility, would it?]

Later...

"Here's a fraction of what you'll learn...
--Learn where the profits are and where they are not in all games of chance, poker, bingo, blackjack, lotteries, casino games or any gambling situation.
--Learn how to transfer all money, power, prestige from the uninformed to you...instantly.
--Learn how to use this new scientific knowledge to begin generating huge sums of money within hours...automatically...without even trying.
--Learn how to win any lover in any situation or how to regain your ex-lover.
--Learn how to lose all the weight you want or eliminate any addiction.
--Learn to control anyone, man or woman, anywhere.
--Learn to easily beat any opponent in your life...in any situation.
--Learn how to make your new powers render all others helpless.
--Learn how to be more intelligent.
--Learn how to make everyone you meet want to be your friend.
--Learn how to make your every relationship better and more fulfilling."

It's signed by John. No last name, just John.

And it's FREE!!!

I'm convinced. You?

The Big Brag

An email received today from Alex's first grade teacher:

Hi Dyann,
I just wanted to send a quick note to say what a joy Alex is to have. I don’t always get to tell parents these things in the hustle and bustle of the day and pick up and the rest but wanted you to know that you have truly raised a boy you should be SO proud of. He is so respectful, kind, helpful, hardworking…he’s an absolute teacher’s dream. Thanks for sharing him with us. We’re so blessed to have him!
Be proud!!
Lisa

We are.

Ugh.

It would seem that tonight I'll be working on my filing. Not that I wanted to, and not that I'd even been planning on it. But simply because I don't have a key to the filing cabinet.