The End...or is it just the Beginning?

This is it.

Today is my last day managing this 45-unit apartment complex. In it, I've conceived twice, borne 2 children, taught 4 to stop at the end of the sidewalk before entering the parking lot, buried 2 pets, flushed about a dozen fish, mourned the loss of a 3.5mo-old angel nephew, rejoiced at the marriage of my brother and the birth of 9 other niecephews, taught 3 children to pee on the toilet, expanded the approved unsupervised play area from the backyard to the courtyard to the front parking lot to the swampy foresty area across the stream, learned to allow the big yellow school bus to take my babies, laughed, cried, and make a home. Albeit a neglected, dirty, biohazard of a home, but a home nonetheless.

Though we do not have a home to move into yet, and we aren't packed or totally organized, I am ready to hand over the keys to the kingdom that I have created here. (I have no idea how many leases I've signed or how many people I've moved out or how many apartments I've shown, but of the 122 people currently living in the 44 occupied units at this complex, there are 5 who were here before I was. 2 old bachelor brothers, 1 retired lawyer who signed a lease in 1987 (he still has chocolate shag carpet), 1 middle-aged single woman and the recently-fired maintenance lead who knows more about this property than anyone in the world.

I am...

...Feeling hurt, hopeful, angry, mournful, resentful, excited, nervous, relieved, frightened.

...Resenting the way that I was let go, without the personal consideration and professional courtesy that I deserve after the 7 years of sacrifice that my family and I have given.

...Celebrating not having to pick up other people's litter and cigarette butts, pick up after their lazy children, answer the door at every knock, forward my phone when I leave for vacation, and pussyfoot around a boss who may or may not be about to bite my head off at any given moment.

...Anticipating teaching my children what a clean house is, spending more time with them, staying on top of the laundry, getting more disciplined about using my time wisely, playing outside, teaching Lee to read, and having more time doing what I want to do, which is be a fabulous mom.

A handful of years ago, Abby was next to me as I was working at the computer and asked, "Mom? When we buy a house will you not spend so much time on the computer?" At that moment, I knew that my job was affecting my family. They notice the time away from them. They notice that I put them off because I'm working on something. They notice.

While the title of this post could have been "Up Yours" or "Kiss Off" or some other genteel ladylike phrase (and it would have if I had posted this morning), I recognize that Life may currently have me looking at an end, but it's also put me right at the beginning.

Of something.