Summer should consist of two months of sending the kids out to play. (Well, really it should be three, but that's for the school district to decide.) They should be spending their time making daisy chains, swimming, creating elaborate plotlines in the woods with their friends, sitting in the shade eating popsicles, living in flip-flops, running to show me blackberry-purple fingers, turning the sidewalks into chalky art, sending bubbles into the atmosphere, lying in the grass watching it grow, running, biking, scootering and feeling the freedom that summer embodies.
After their chores are done.
I think it's only fair that if they contribute to making a household mess, they should learn to be responsible for cleaning it up. I feel that it's not a large expectation for them to spend a little time in the mornings completing their small chores on the job chart (30 minutes), making sure that their bedroom floors are tidied (10 minutes, they're not very dirty), keeping up on school skills (15 minutes) and practicing piano (10 minutes).
So why is it almost 4:00 and they're not close to going outside?
I've spent the last 5+ hours reminding them, steering them back on course and redirecting their Distract-O-Selves. That and breaking up fights. And trying not to listen to the tattling.
I'm completely irritated because I've got days of work to catch up on and they're screaming and fighting in the background. Do I give up my requirement that they contribute to the well-being of the household and send them outside so that I can have some quiet? Or do we spend the rest of the summer inside, attempting to teach them that it only takes a long time when you lie down and complain about it for 45 minutes. If you get up and do it, it should take about 10 minutes. If I send them outside, it sends the message that the prerequisites don't matter and don't listen to Mom because she'll cave anyway.
Mean Mom with children who grow up to be responsible, capable adults?
Fun Mom with entitled children who take for granted what they have?
How do other parents do it? How do you teach your children to just get their stuff done so they can play? Or do the whole of the household responsibilities simply fall on the parents?
Either way, summer ain't shapin' up to be fun for anybody!
I was always a lie-down-and-complain for 45 minutes before doing a 15-minute chore girl myself. My biggest motivator to actually do my chores was always when there was something I wanted to do at 10:00, or at noon, and I had to be done before I could go do it. Or, I liked doing chores with my little brother, sharing the chores.
ReplyDeleteWell. I'm sure Mom had those same ideas and frustrations during the summer. She might not have won the daily battle but won the war overall. I don't recall ALWAYS getting my chores done before going out to play but I also remember playing a lot in the summer so maybe I blacked out the chores part of summer...hope that helped?
ReplyDeleteI'm with Julie, a time requirement and incentive really seem to motivate my kids. REALLY! The boys are reading time now, so I can put on a timer and they understand how long they have to do things.
ReplyDeleteI also think you have the do-it-with-them incentive, which I need to be MUCH better about. "If you are doing your best to clean (or whatever) right now, with no complaining (etc) then I will work with you for 5 minutes." or "If I see you doing your job, then in 5 minutes I will come and help you." etc.....
Then there is the fun card you can use (which I also need to play A LOT MORE). We used to have a cleaning song we blasted when we cleaned up. Make it a game, or do it a silly way, etc.
Just some ideas.... good luck! If it helps you feel any better, we're working on the same things.
GOOD LUCK!!
No advice... just empathy. Let's just say that in our household growing up, one of the two kids ended up better at doing chores. Not telling which one of us :)
ReplyDeletei do that with my kids, julie. "you need to have your room cleaned before you eat lunch/go outside/watch a show" then they know that they can't do what they want until their chore is done. it pretty much works every time. ava has no problem with it, but max usually complains and whines a lot but eventually does it.
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