Today is February 28th.
My job ends in 3 days. I don't know where we are going to move. I don't know how long we will be able to stay here. I don't know how we are going to pay rent. I don't know how we are going to pay off the van and reduce bills and save money before Steve goes to school. I don't know if I'm going to need or be able to find a job. I don't know if I should concentrate my efforts on subsidized housing, apartment managing, vacant home care, renting a FSBO home, or what.
I don't know.
I don't know!
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
And you know what? I'm gettin' a little cranky.
I'm annoyed that my boss will chat with the other manager about day-to-day business on the same phone call that we were fired in, then take 4 days to answer my response to her "I'm not going to call you back, but you can email me your questions" email. I'm ticked that even though I asked a few months ago to be kept abreast of any potential changes, I was given 14 days to tie up loose ends at work, pack my house, find a new home and move. I'm peeved that I'm not given the personal respect and professional courtesy that I deserve, and that everyone around here recognizes that EXCEPT MY BOSS!!! I'm irritated that after 7 years, we aren't as close to financially stable as we should be, and as I want us to be.
You remember that peace that I was blessed with a month ago? A week ago? It's being slowly but surely replaced by nerves and fear. I'm going backward. My peace and joy and smiles are giving way to apathy, snarkiness and snapping at the people I love. It's pushing 'kiss mine.'
And it sucks.
Solution: MAY I PLEASE MAKE SOME SORT OF FORWARD MOTION IN FINDING A HOME FOR MY FAMILY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Yep. That'd help.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Fired.
I have 2 weeks.
I knew it was coming, but it totally stinks that after 7 years, they give me 2 weeks. Thanks a lot.
So after I prayed for direction and guidance and forgiveness because I'm angry, I had the thought, "I need to read my scriptures." Fortunately, Lee's cleaning his room (translate: he & Cora are playing upstairs) so I had a couple of quiet minutes. I opened my scriptures to anywhere, and read 1 Timothy 2. It was all pretty much unrelated to what I need right now, until I came across verse 8:
"I will, therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands (cross-referenced to Psalms 24:4 talking about clean hands and a pure heart), without wrath and doubting."
God's message to me today: Keep praying, let go of the anger and frustration and hurt, do what you know is right, don't doubt, and I'll provide.
Amen.
I knew it was coming, but it totally stinks that after 7 years, they give me 2 weeks. Thanks a lot.
So after I prayed for direction and guidance and forgiveness because I'm angry, I had the thought, "I need to read my scriptures." Fortunately, Lee's cleaning his room (translate: he & Cora are playing upstairs) so I had a couple of quiet minutes. I opened my scriptures to anywhere, and read 1 Timothy 2. It was all pretty much unrelated to what I need right now, until I came across verse 8:
"I will, therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands (cross-referenced to Psalms 24:4 talking about clean hands and a pure heart), without wrath and doubting."
God's message to me today: Keep praying, let go of the anger and frustration and hurt, do what you know is right, don't doubt, and I'll provide.
Amen.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Love & Laughs...
...Or Creativity & Craziness
So the other day I was searching for something among my archived emails and found a copy of an i.m. conversation that I had with my sister a couple of years ago. (She & I get a little bit silly sometimes. A little.) It brought a smile to my heart, so even though it's a bit belated for Valentine's Day, I hope it brings a little smile to yours, too.
And maybe even some wonderings about my oddities.
Whatever.
d: Today's learning moment: Don't try to make a triple batch of Grandpa Cookies in one bowl...even it's a really big one.
L: your cookies overfloweth?
d: yea, my bowls do overflow and my kitchen is abundant with dirty mixing bowls.
L: yea, and my sister said unto me LOOK! and I looked and beheld a mighty mountain of cookie dough. And behold it was my desire to partake thereof. For I beheld that it was good.
d: Yea, and as they did partake of the goodness of the cookie dough, the sons of the household did lick the beaters even until they were clean, and the flour powder did settle upon them like unto snow.
L: And the daughter, upon returning to her home, finding much abundance of cookies, did cry forth with a loud voice, unto the declaring of the desires of her heart. For lo, she did desire a cookie. And she did ask for milk, as it goeth with cookies, much like our forefathers of old did find land flowing with milk and honey.
d: But the childrens' mother did deny them. For she was a mean mother.
d: And she said unto them, "The cookies are for Valentine's Day, which is two days hence. Look, and behold, there are cookies for your class, and they number three dozen."
L: and behold, there was much weeping and wailing on behalf of the uneaten cookies. For lo, they seeketh to partake.
d: And the mother sent forth an invitation: "Come, sit, frost these the rest of the cookies with us. For thy brother is ready--armed with sprinkles and candies and all manner of instruments of cookie decorating. But we must hurry, for the youngest of thy brothers doth nap, and it is the desire of my heart to finish before he awakes."
d: "But take comfort, for after we do set aside cookies for thy class, and for thy brother's class, and for our many friends--yea, after we do give cookies unto everyone else, there will be leftovers. And ye may partake. For thus I planned it."
L: And they did with haste put frosting upon the cookies and sprinkle them, and put all manner of tasty trinkets on them that they may be a joy unto those who partake. And verily verily they did frost for the space of many minutes and did do all that was good to the cookies.
d: And their fingers were sticky and they did lick them off.
d: And their mother did remind them time and time again to wipe their fingers upon a wet cloth for the cookies were to be given away and their tongues were laden with much germs.
d: But they, being a forgetful generation, did go forth and lick their fingers.
L: And when their father did return to their dwelling, he beheld the cookies of such curious craftsmanship. And he did put forth his hand to partake. And lo and behold, my sister did send a cursing upon him who doth partake too soon, lest he put forth his hand and dwindle the number set for for his childrens' classes. But verily my sister did repent of her chastizing and did offer him thus a cookie from those which had been set aside for his partaking. And he did partake and it was good.
d: Yea, and their father said unto his wife, "See the abundance of the cookies. Yea, there is such an abundance that one will not be missed by the classmates of the children."
d: And his wife did sigh and give him one of the broken cookies.
L: Behold, canst thou not hear the voice of one crying in the classroom? That lonely mortal who consumeth not a cookie?
d: But the mother, with all the concern of her heart, did take from the plate of the father and did give to the lonely child with no cookie. And it was good.
d: And thus is the account of the twelfth day of the second month of the two thousand eighth day since the coming of our Lord. And the household was blessed with much sweetness in preparation of the day to celebrate love.
And these cookies taste waaaaaaaay better than they even look. So yummy!
So the other day I was searching for something among my archived emails and found a copy of an i.m. conversation that I had with my sister a couple of years ago. (She & I get a little bit silly sometimes. A little.) It brought a smile to my heart, so even though it's a bit belated for Valentine's Day, I hope it brings a little smile to yours, too.
And maybe even some wonderings about my oddities.
Whatever.
d: Today's learning moment: Don't try to make a triple batch of Grandpa Cookies in one bowl...even it's a really big one.
L: your cookies overfloweth?
d: yea, my bowls do overflow and my kitchen is abundant with dirty mixing bowls.
L: yea, and my sister said unto me LOOK! and I looked and beheld a mighty mountain of cookie dough. And behold it was my desire to partake thereof. For I beheld that it was good.
d: Yea, and as they did partake of the goodness of the cookie dough, the sons of the household did lick the beaters even until they were clean, and the flour powder did settle upon them like unto snow.
L: And the daughter, upon returning to her home, finding much abundance of cookies, did cry forth with a loud voice, unto the declaring of the desires of her heart. For lo, she did desire a cookie. And she did ask for milk, as it goeth with cookies, much like our forefathers of old did find land flowing with milk and honey.
d: But the childrens' mother did deny them. For she was a mean mother.
d: And she said unto them, "The cookies are for Valentine's Day, which is two days hence. Look, and behold, there are cookies for your class, and they number three dozen."
L: and behold, there was much weeping and wailing on behalf of the uneaten cookies. For lo, they seeketh to partake.
d: And the mother sent forth an invitation: "Come, sit, frost these the rest of the cookies with us. For thy brother is ready--armed with sprinkles and candies and all manner of instruments of cookie decorating. But we must hurry, for the youngest of thy brothers doth nap, and it is the desire of my heart to finish before he awakes."
d: "But take comfort, for after we do set aside cookies for thy class, and for thy brother's class, and for our many friends--yea, after we do give cookies unto everyone else, there will be leftovers. And ye may partake. For thus I planned it."
L: And they did with haste put frosting upon the cookies and sprinkle them, and put all manner of tasty trinkets on them that they may be a joy unto those who partake. And verily verily they did frost for the space of many minutes and did do all that was good to the cookies.
d: And their fingers were sticky and they did lick them off.
d: And their mother did remind them time and time again to wipe their fingers upon a wet cloth for the cookies were to be given away and their tongues were laden with much germs.
d: But they, being a forgetful generation, did go forth and lick their fingers.
L: And when their father did return to their dwelling, he beheld the cookies of such curious craftsmanship. And he did put forth his hand to partake. And lo and behold, my sister did send a cursing upon him who doth partake too soon, lest he put forth his hand and dwindle the number set for for his childrens' classes. But verily my sister did repent of her chastizing and did offer him thus a cookie from those which had been set aside for his partaking. And he did partake and it was good.
d: Yea, and their father said unto his wife, "See the abundance of the cookies. Yea, there is such an abundance that one will not be missed by the classmates of the children."
d: And his wife did sigh and give him one of the broken cookies.
L: Behold, canst thou not hear the voice of one crying in the classroom? That lonely mortal who consumeth not a cookie?
d: But the mother, with all the concern of her heart, did take from the plate of the father and did give to the lonely child with no cookie. And it was good.
d: And thus is the account of the twelfth day of the second month of the two thousand eighth day since the coming of our Lord. And the household was blessed with much sweetness in preparation of the day to celebrate love.
And these cookies taste waaaaaaaay better than they even look. So yummy!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Demoted
March 1st marks my 7-year anniversary as resident apartment manager at my current job.
When I started this job, I had zero experience. My Property Manager--we'll call her Tanya--liked that because she could train me her way. Even at the very beginning I'd ask a question and Tanya would answer something like, "Do what you think is best." Over the years she trusted me even more, I learned to trust myself, and we developed a friendship. When she walked in the door for our weekly meetings, she would turn to toddler-Alex and exclaim, "There's my boyfriend!!!!" She was too busy to eat sometimes, so I'd make an extra sandwich at lunchtime and have it ready when she got here. When Lee was born she gave me plenty of time to get back into my groove, and cooed and coddled him like he was her own. She taught me how to be a fabulous manager, put me up on a pedestal, assigned me to train 3 other managers, and asked my husband for permission to clone me.
Tanya was the best boss in the world.
But I've been demoted.
Now I'm the thorn in her side. When I was bumped from my pedestal, I didn't mind. (My pedestal replacement is a friend, supermom, and someone that I absolutely idolize--she's fabulous.) I understand that when the housing market tanked and I suddenly had 8(!!!) apartments to rent Tanya was put under a lot of pressure by the owner. I understand that the cost of gas changed our weekly meetings to bi-weekly, then monthly, then electronic-only. I understand that her responsibilities have increased exponentially in just the last few years. I also understand that my personal responsibilities have increased just as exponentially, and that there are certain aspects of my job where I don't excel (vacuuming common areas weekly, walking the grounds picking up garbage and cigarette butts, checking competitors' rates monthly).
What I don't understand is how I've fallen so far from grace. I still do my best to keep my apartments full, I still collect rent on time, I still send her the weekly information she's requested, I still answer the phones--mostly, I still advertise vacancies, I still address tenant concerns and do my best to resolve them. And yet, a recent email from her stated that my actions were causing "...chaos and confusion."
"Can I clone you?" ------> "Chaos and confusion."
That's quite a fall.
I'm angry. And I'm hurt.
What do I get for my almost 364 weeks of trying to do what she taught me? Staffing changes without my knowledge (for security purposes I sort of need to know who's coming & going), procedural changes in the middle of doing my job, responsibilites quietly being removed from my plate without telling me, and other w.e.i.r.d. things happening right under my nose that are kept confidential...like who's living 3 doors down from me. (I'm pretty sure I know, but can't figure out why it would be a big secret--he's already on the maintenance team.)
It's frustrating, it's maddening, it's ridiculous, it's a myriad of other things that ladylike fingers don't type.
But honestly, mostly I grieve for a lost friendship. My heart breaks that Tanya is so busy and overworked and focusing on the negatives that she's forgetting that I love her. My heart breaks for her because of the voids in her heart that she feels compelled to fill with work.
This hard thing has been a source of fervent--and sometimes angry--prayer. Prayer for Hubby to get into Spring quarter enrollment so I can get the &%$ out of here; prayer for my job to outlast his program start; prayer because I'm ticked off; prayer for peace for me and for her.
I prayed for peace and I received it. I am at peace. I have no idea what the next few weeks/months will hold. I have no idea where we will end up. I have no idea what the heck the future holds.
But He does. He knows, and I trust that--as always--Heavenly Father knows me, loves me and has what's best for me up His omnipotent sleeve. The faith-in-waiting game isn't an easy one to play, but I know that because He's in charge, it will be okay.
Whatever that is.
When I started this job, I had zero experience. My Property Manager--we'll call her Tanya--liked that because she could train me her way. Even at the very beginning I'd ask a question and Tanya would answer something like, "Do what you think is best." Over the years she trusted me even more, I learned to trust myself, and we developed a friendship. When she walked in the door for our weekly meetings, she would turn to toddler-Alex and exclaim, "There's my boyfriend!!!!" She was too busy to eat sometimes, so I'd make an extra sandwich at lunchtime and have it ready when she got here. When Lee was born she gave me plenty of time to get back into my groove, and cooed and coddled him like he was her own. She taught me how to be a fabulous manager, put me up on a pedestal, assigned me to train 3 other managers, and asked my husband for permission to clone me.
Tanya was the best boss in the world.
But I've been demoted.
Now I'm the thorn in her side. When I was bumped from my pedestal, I didn't mind. (My pedestal replacement is a friend, supermom, and someone that I absolutely idolize--she's fabulous.) I understand that when the housing market tanked and I suddenly had 8(!!!) apartments to rent Tanya was put under a lot of pressure by the owner. I understand that the cost of gas changed our weekly meetings to bi-weekly, then monthly, then electronic-only. I understand that her responsibilities have increased exponentially in just the last few years. I also understand that my personal responsibilities have increased just as exponentially, and that there are certain aspects of my job where I don't excel (vacuuming common areas weekly, walking the grounds picking up garbage and cigarette butts, checking competitors' rates monthly).
What I don't understand is how I've fallen so far from grace. I still do my best to keep my apartments full, I still collect rent on time, I still send her the weekly information she's requested, I still answer the phones--mostly, I still advertise vacancies, I still address tenant concerns and do my best to resolve them. And yet, a recent email from her stated that my actions were causing "...chaos and confusion."
"Can I clone you?" ------> "Chaos and confusion."
That's quite a fall.
I'm angry. And I'm hurt.
What do I get for my almost 364 weeks of trying to do what she taught me? Staffing changes without my knowledge (for security purposes I sort of need to know who's coming & going), procedural changes in the middle of doing my job, responsibilites quietly being removed from my plate without telling me, and other w.e.i.r.d. things happening right under my nose that are kept confidential...like who's living 3 doors down from me. (I'm pretty sure I know, but can't figure out why it would be a big secret--he's already on the maintenance team.)
It's frustrating, it's maddening, it's ridiculous, it's a myriad of other things that ladylike fingers don't type.
But honestly, mostly I grieve for a lost friendship. My heart breaks that Tanya is so busy and overworked and focusing on the negatives that she's forgetting that I love her. My heart breaks for her because of the voids in her heart that she feels compelled to fill with work.
This hard thing has been a source of fervent--and sometimes angry--prayer. Prayer for Hubby to get into Spring quarter enrollment so I can get the &%$ out of here; prayer for my job to outlast his program start; prayer because I'm ticked off; prayer for peace for me and for her.
I prayed for peace and I received it. I am at peace. I have no idea what the next few weeks/months will hold. I have no idea where we will end up. I have no idea what the heck the future holds.
But He does. He knows, and I trust that--as always--Heavenly Father knows me, loves me and has what's best for me up His omnipotent sleeve. The faith-in-waiting game isn't an easy one to play, but I know that because He's in charge, it will be okay.
Whatever that is.
Friday, January 21, 2011
It has begun.
When Abby was about 3 she loved all things frilly and poofy. Ruffles? check. Sparkles? check. Plastic jewels? check. Ready for the day.
At the same time, my most-fun sister was living half a continent away. Boo! We still kept in touch, but it wasn't the same as having her right here. One of the ways that she kept in contact was by finding fun stuff on ebay that she thought we needed. Raincoats, clothing, flying batman monkeys...you know--the necessities!
(Really. Two of them. My first response was, "Holy Flying Monkeys, Batman!" They're actually pretty fun, and when another sister found out that Lara had bought them for only the younger cousins, she was kinda jealous.)
So when Auntie Ebay found out that Abby loved frills and ruffles, she set to work and found something wonderful. (I've looked all over & can't find a picture of her in it, or one of a friend's daughter lying in a toddler bed wearing it, while Alex, dressed in Superman jammies, was leaning over to give her a Sleeping Beauty kiss. So priceless, and so elusive.)
Anyhow--Abby was thrilled to open the package that came in the mail. Before it was even all the way out of the padded envelope, she happy exclaimed, "A ballet!!!" Alas, it stank of cigarette smoke, so it hung on the back porch for about a week. (The previously mentioned friend's mom thought it was a mid-pregnancy announcement that Lee was a girl.)
Abby loved her 'ballet', and it was a great dress-up dress until she grew out of it.
And now--
At the same time, my most-fun sister was living half a continent away. Boo! We still kept in touch, but it wasn't the same as having her right here. One of the ways that she kept in contact was by finding fun stuff on ebay that she thought we needed. Raincoats, clothing, flying batman monkeys...you know--the necessities!
(Really. Two of them. My first response was, "Holy Flying Monkeys, Batman!" They're actually pretty fun, and when another sister found out that Lara had bought them for only the younger cousins, she was kinda jealous.)
So when Auntie Ebay found out that Abby loved frills and ruffles, she set to work and found something wonderful. (I've looked all over & can't find a picture of her in it, or one of a friend's daughter lying in a toddler bed wearing it, while Alex, dressed in Superman jammies, was leaning over to give her a Sleeping Beauty kiss. So priceless, and so elusive.)
Anyhow--Abby was thrilled to open the package that came in the mail. Before it was even all the way out of the padded envelope, she happy exclaimed, "A ballet!!!" Alas, it stank of cigarette smoke, so it hung on the back porch for about a week. (The previously mentioned friend's mom thought it was a mid-pregnancy announcement that Lee was a girl.)
Abby loved her 'ballet', and it was a great dress-up dress until she grew out of it.
And now--
--it fits. Enough.
Cora has started being picky about what she wears, but it's no surprise that she loves this dress. It doesn't match her jeweled sandals (I kind of have shoe envy over these), but who cares? When she's dressed like a princess and elicits admiring smiles wherever she goes, batting her beautiful dark lashes at smiling strangers, all I've got to say is, "Bring on the floof!"
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The Thrill of the Kill
I need to take a triumphant moment to celebrate and brag.
Last Christmas I was given two gifts that didn't quite work. One was a purse from my wonderful husband that was cool, but I couldn't imagine myself actually using. The other was a fun fleece jammie set from his mother in a Junior's size small...which I was, but am no longer. Boo x2.
So today I set about to exchange.
Stop 1--Kohl's to get bigger sized jammies. Alas, it was a seasonal gift set & there were none. So instead I hit the clearance racks because paying full price seems like a waste to me. I found a few things I liked, tried on plenty that didn't work, and came out with this:
This one's the best. Not because it'll be my favorite to wear or get the most compliments, but for sheer value. Up close they look like shimmery little lip glosses or eyeshadows. $16.00-->$1.60. Oh yes, you read that right 90% OFF!!!!!
Last Christmas I was given two gifts that didn't quite work. One was a purse from my wonderful husband that was cool, but I couldn't imagine myself actually using. The other was a fun fleece jammie set from his mother in a Junior's size small...which I was, but am no longer. Boo x2.
So today I set about to exchange.
Stop 1--Kohl's to get bigger sized jammies. Alas, it was a seasonal gift set & there were none. So instead I hit the clearance racks because paying full price seems like a waste to me. I found a few things I liked, tried on plenty that didn't work, and came out with this:
Funky patterned shirt that does a fair job of being stylish and as flattering it can get with what it's got to work with (4 pregnancies and lots of Christmas goodies). Regular price $36.00--I paid $7.20. The bracelet was a cool find that goes really well with the shirt. Reg $18.00-->$3.60.
This will help, I think. $18.00-->$3.60.
This one's the best. Not because it'll be my favorite to wear or get the most compliments, but for sheer value. Up close they look like shimmery little lip glosses or eyeshadows. $16.00-->$1.60. Oh yes, you read that right 90% OFF!!!!!
And the super crazy part is that the returned jammies in all their warm coziness came to the EXACT SAME AMOUNT as the shirt, necklace and bracelets. I could not have planned that any better! The Type A voice in my head is still giggling about that.
(Please excuse the lack of spaces between paragraphs here. I've got about a dozen in the html, but they don't show up. Pooh.)
I took my awesomeness right past the Lotto stand (where maybe I should have stopped) to Dress Barn to exchange the purse. I'd never been in there before, but have always wondered why on earth any woman would want to shop for clothes in a place with the word 'barn' in the name? mooooo. They must have amazing clothes, because the name is terrible!!
Anyway.
The selection was way smaller that I'd hoped, but I did pretty good, I think.
The skirt is fun (my boldly-fashioned sister really likes it), the pants are boring, but a sensible choice and came up at $9.00, about 1/2 of what I thought! BONUS! Thanks to the discounted pants, I had a little left on the you-can-only-get-in-store-credit-for-this-return-even-though-your-husband-paid-cash-for-the-purse card, so I headed over for the jewelry department. Fun there, too.
The matching earrings are sort of tempting me to finally get my ears pierced. We'll see...
Pants: $29.99 -->$9.00
Skirt: $29.99-->$12.00
Necklace/Earring set: $16.99-->$6.80
Total value: $164.97
Total 'paid': $43.80
Actual out-of-pocket expense: $3.09
Now is when I would normally invite you to bow down and worship the Bargain Queen, but my sister (who became engaged yes.ter.day) dropped by unexpectedly this evening to show me the GORGEOUS, modest, only a little too small plus-sized wedding dress that she found on Craigslist and picked up today for $150 PLUS found the exact same one at the Deseret Industries thrift store in Federal Way just a little smaller so if they need to alter the bigger one it can be from the same fabric/beading/etc for $60. 2 identical wedding dresses for $210. The day after she was proposed to. You can all bow to my toes & butt, 'cause I'm on the floor in front of HER!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Huh?
I like to take amusing pictures. Well, I like to take pictures of things that I find amusing. They've been collecting, so I just now decided to put them all in one blog post.
(See? I can be spontaneous!)
This one isn't funny until you realize that this WAS a photo studio and was almost done being renovated into a pizza joint. The sign states, "NO CONSTRUCTION PARKING"
I was passing through over a year ago & did a triple-take of this sign, then had to turn around to get a picture. "The economy stinks, housing prices are falling and you can have this lot + house for only $1.3 million!!!" It wasn't even a great location!
This one's dark, so look closely at the arrow sign on the left.
(See? I can be spontaneous!)
This one isn't funny until you realize that this WAS a photo studio and was almost done being renovated into a pizza joint. The sign states, "NO CONSTRUCTION PARKING"
I was passing through over a year ago & did a triple-take of this sign, then had to turn around to get a picture. "The economy stinks, housing prices are falling and you can have this lot + house for only $1.3 million!!!" It wasn't even a great location!
I could use a cherry pitter, so this caught my eye. Until I noticed that the descriptive sentences under the three smaller circles read:
"Taller Trays to Fit Larger Gourmet Frosted Cupcakes" (for the berry colander)
"Removable Cupcake Trays are Perfect for Presentation"
"Features Finger Indents for Easier Cupcake Removal
oops.
oops.
This one's dark, so look closely at the arrow sign on the left.
Psst! Beef, Bacon and Turkey aren't technically vegetarian.
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